10 Rules for Christmas Dinners & Parties

[PerfectPartner]

10. CARROT STICKS Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

9. EGGNOG Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare ... you cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

8. GRAVY If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

7. MASHED POTATOES As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

6. PRE-EATING Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

5. EXERCISE Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a ten-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

4. SANTA COOKIES If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

3. PIES Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

2. FRUITCAKE Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

1. MOTTO One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

[pair8head]

I have only one problem with your list.

Eggnog = the nastiest thing you can put in your mouth. Period end of discussion.

You may now go about your normal routine.

[Snowparrot]

Please, please, don't eat the fruitcake: leave it for me!

I love it.

[PerfectPartner]

Sorry Don, I couldn't read that even with my reading glasses.

[pair8head]

Sorry Don, I couldn't read that even with my reading glasses.

Then just hit the quote button.

[Bicycle Bill]

I have only one problem with your list.

Eggnog = the nastiest thing you can put in your mouth. Period end of discussion.

You may now go about your normal routine.

I don't know, Don — have you ever eaten liver dumplings?

In giving his reason to consume vast quantities of eggnog, PerfectPartner forgot to mention the two most important ingredients of eggnog — rum and brandy. If your eggnog doesn't contain reasonable amounts of both potables, it is not eggnog; it is a McDonald's eggnog-flavored milkshake.

Now that you are armed with that knowledge, would you like to reconsider your earlier statement?

-"BB"-

[Joetown Parrothead]

The Tom & Jerry Drink is one of the nasty tasting things also.... They serve them every Christmas eve at my Country Club and they are just wrong they are so bad! There are a lot of Older Men that would not miss them for anything.


Ingredients
12 egg(s)
1 cup sugar
1 bottle brandy
Pinch of ground allspice
Pinch of ground cinnamon
Pinch of ground cloves
1 bottle dark rum
milk
nutmeg


Glass Type: mug

Instructions

Separate the eggs. Beat the whites until they form a stiff froth, and the yolks -- to which you have added the sugar -- "until they are as thin as water," as the professor advises, gradually adding 4 ounces brandy (spiceaholics will also add a pinch each of ground allspice, cinnamon, and cloves). Fold the whites into the yolks. When ready to serve, give it another stir and then put 1 tablespoon of this batter in a small mug or tumbler. Now add 1 ounce brandy (although some die-hard Dixiecrats prefer bourbon) and 1 ounce Jamaican rum, stirring constantly to avoid curdling. Fill to the top with hot milk and stir until you get foam. Sprinkle a little grated nutmeg on top. This one may require practice and a certain amount of fiddling, but it's well worth the effort. Note: Some people find the milk too rich and filling, so they use half hot milk, half boiling water.



Read more: http://www.esquire.com/drinks/tom-and-j ... z0Z9gFWYKt

[pair8head]

I have only one problem with your list.

Eggnog = the nastiest thing you can put in your mouth. Period end of discussion.

You may now go about your normal routine.

I don't know, Don — have you ever eaten liver dumplings?

In giving his reason to consume vast quantities of eggnog, PerfectPartner forgot to mention the two most important ingredients of eggnog — rum and brandy. If your eggnog doesn't contain reasonable amounts of both potables, it is not eggnog; it is a McDonald's eggnog-flavored milkshake.

Now that you are armed with that knowledge, would you like to reconsider your earlier statement?

-"BB"-

NO to both.

[PerfectPartner]

Don, never occured to me to hit the quote button! Duh!

As for the liver dumplings, who thinks up those things? That sounds disgusting!

And Joe, that drink is just too labor intensive.

[FarsideCobbPH]

UGH, liver dumplings sounds like leftovers from a transplant!

[pinacolada lover]