Don't Fart in Bed

redwinemaker · Post by **redwinemaker** » January 14, 2003 11:39 pm

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The
only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly
every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell
would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she
would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her
sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow
his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put
the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a
malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where
her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she
pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl
of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After
years of torture, she figured that she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her
lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right.
All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and
these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

sailingagain · Post by **sailingagain** » January 15, 2003 1:24 am

THAT RULES!!!!!!!

ph4ever · Post by **ph4ever** » January 15, 2003 8:50 am

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!

ParrotHeadRob · Post by **ParrotHeadRob** » January 21, 2003 10:58 am

I should have learned by now not to read the joke section of this forum while eating lunch. All of the sudden, this cinnamon roll isn't so appetizing anymore.

daddymention · Post by **daddymention** » January 22, 2003 5:44 am

That is absolutely awesome!!!