NFL Adopts 'Kinder, Gentler' Team Names

pirate@43 · Post by **pirate@43** » January 21, 2003 12:37 am

NEW YORK (AheadOfNews.com) - Watch out Shorebirds. Here come the Pussies!

Paul Tagliabue, commissioner of the National Football League, today announced long-anticipated changes to many team names in the NFL.

Responding to complaints about NFL violence, Tagliabue and the NFL Marketing Committee have mandated new names "more appealing to viewers who regard themselves as gentle persons."

Ten teams were ruled to have kind, gentle names already. They are the Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dolphins, New England Patriots, Arizona Cardinals, Green Bay Packers, New Orleans Saints, and San Francisco 49ers.

Here are the changes for the other 22 teams:

Baltimore: Ravens become Crows.
Cincinnati: Bengals become Siamese.
Denver: Broncos become Ponies.
Jacksonville: Jaguars become Javanese.
Kansas City: Chiefs become Secretaries.
New York: Jets become Bicycles.
Oakland: Raiders become Nestmakers.
Pittsburgh: Steelers become File Clerks.
San Diego: Chargers become Placeholders.
Tennessee: Titans become Little Guys.
Atlanta: Falcons become Hummingbirds.
Carolina: Panthers become Pussies.
Chicago: Bears become Teddybears.
Dallas: Cowboys become Cowpersons.
Detroit: Lions become Chantilly/Tiffanies.
Minnesota: Vikings become Farmers.
New York: Giants become Dwarves.
Philadelphia: Eagles become Pigeons.
Seattle: Seahawks become Shorebirds.
St. Louis: Rams become Lambs.
Tampa Bay: Buccaneers become Philanthropists.
Washington: Redskins become Flesh Tones.

The NFL Players Association voiced no objection to the changes.

Asked if he minded being called a teddybear, Walter "Cadillac" Gruntski, a 420-pound lineman for Chicago, said "Golly, no. It's much nicer than what I'm used to."

phjrsaunt · Post by **phjrsaunt** » January 21, 2003 8:23 am

Somehow a battle between the Fleshtones and the Cowpersons just doesn't fill me with anticipation.......

The Fleshtones sounds more like a music group.

Post by **SMLCHNG** » January 21, 2003 8:23 am

Caribbean Soul · Post by **Caribbean Soul** » January 21, 2003 9:34 am

I'm surprised that Packers wasn't considered offensive to all the veg-heads out there!

Hmm... Green Bay Vegans anyone?

ZeroDuval · Post by **ZeroDuval** » January 21, 2003 10:01 am

The Chicago BEars played more like TeddyBears, who would care!

sailingagain · Post by **sailingagain** » January 21, 2003 11:11 pm

I thought the Panthers WERE pussies.

Someone had to say it.