The Right Force

[redwinemaker]

This would apply ti Iraq as well...

I've said that if I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track
down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York
City and Washington, D.C. But, I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm
too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds
off to fight, they ought to take us old men . You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35. For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that
28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young men haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them
into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old man ,
on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old men get up
early just to show we can (and to steal the neighbor's newspaper and pee).

If old men are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old men . We're used to
getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost
better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle course,
however I've been to the desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope
hanging over the side. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and
give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without the
top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out. To learn
that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker in
the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great
reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before
sending them off to a possible death. Let us old men track down those
dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11.

The last thing they'd want to see right now is a couple of million old
farts with attitudes.