New Women's Medication

[jeepgirl]

St. M O M'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to six hours.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing
the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
till they moved out.


P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening
out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.


D U M E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment
of country western music.


F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.


M E N I C I L L I N

Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines
as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we go back to my place
now?"


B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration
of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
severe the victim may
even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD.


J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.


A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share
their life stories
with total strangers.


S E X C E D R I N

More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.


R A G A M E T

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on
him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it.